While bunkered down in our house โ๏ธ we are the lucky ones who can wfh ๐. Despite feeling like I had no time for anything, things did in fact happen. The kids learned how to ride bikes ๐ฒ and write their ABCs ๐ก. Alan built a fence with his own bare hands๐ ๏ธ. I managed to finish a project rather than discarding it half-done ๐.
Work was not at half-mast, the world turned ๐๐๐ and we adjusted and reset expectations. Due to COVID Unicode nearly didn't ship any emoji for 2021 but we swooped in with a clever solution (๐ฎโ๐จ, ๐ตโ๐ซ, ๐ถโ๐ซ๏ธ, โค๏ธโ๐ฅ, โค๏ธโ๐ฉน ) (this will make more sense to most of you next year). With few new emoji coming out I "had time" to draw thousands of illegal emoji (yes, my mental health is questionable ๐คช). I tried my best to continue to consult, mentor and meet folks interested in emoji along the way ๐.
Marriage is hard but we made the best of it and we didn't get sick or die so that's good. ๐ค With a family that is immune compromised we rarely left the house but are starting to a bit more ๐๐ท (All you fuckers traveling and going out ๐๏ธ๐๐). We watched a lot of TV ๐๏ธ๐ฅ, made science experiments from kitchen ingredients ๐ , developed an appetite for audio books, played video games ๐น๏ธ.
COVID put an abrupt pause on swim ๐โโ๏ธ, fencing ๐คบ and gymnastics ๐คธโโ๏ธ classes and we tortured ourselves: are we doing enough? Are we doing our best for the children if they aren't learning What They Were Born To Do because they aren't enrolled in Chinese classes ๐ or Piano ๐น? Kids are not on this earth to accomplish their parentsโ unfulfilled self-actualization. They are "self-taught," I tell myself, naturally talented at climbing onto the roof of the house, telling fart jokes, and defeating Bowser.
The twins and I have spent more "time together" than we ever have and ever will. ๐ซ With no school since March, we have suddenly found ourselves taking on a second full time job teaching a classroom of two ๐งโ๐ซ๐ง๐ฆ but Iโm the one learningโฆ learning about who the kids are during the time when Iโm usually โat workโ. (One is a bit of a cautious perfectionist, the other throws caution to the wind ๐ฅบ).
With no car, our escape from the confines of our small home is determined by bike alone ๐ต and while I miss mass-transit, biking is possible all year round here.
With no family nearby we were on our own more than ever ๐๏ธ but the kids haven't seen my family in almost a year-and-a-half since we usually visit in the summer โ๏ธ.
As 2020 ends I feel no sense of relief or closure ๐พ No "books I read this year" ๐ or "top played songs" ๐ถ to recap. I'm told 2020 will be remembered forever but it wont be with the same vividness of experiencing it in real time ๐. NYE is just another day ๐. Call me when the vaccine is wildly distributed ๐, when the kids can go back to school ๐ซ, when they can see their family ๐ฌ. Until then, I'll miss my friends despite never texting back ๐คณ. In a time where people are expressing tremendous loneliness I somehow feel suffocated and crowded. Trying to regain some sense of control of my life I find myself returning to unmedicated ADHD habits like drawing and beading and hope my kids don't misinterpret this withdrawal as rejection. I love you โฆ mama just needs a little Animal Crossing time ๐ฆค๐๏ธ๐ฆ.
This is all to say .. Happy New Year to those who celebrate ๐ฅณ